Thursday, December 25, 2008

True Meaning of Christmas

It's been two years since I had the idea of writing out what I thought the true meaning of Christmas was. So to remember one of my favorite posts, I give you... the True Meaning of Chirstmas.

Baby Jesus was born with his golden diaper. He was sent here by his father on planet Krypton to save the world. The virgin Mary gave birth to baby Jesus in a manger and baby Jesus was surrounded by the animals and nearby Shepard. But then out of no where came the sinister Santa Claus mortal enemy of baby Jesus, you see Santa wanted the golden diaper so that he could rule the world. So Santa came down with his reindeer of death!


"HO HO HO! Someone has been naughty!"


With fast as lightning skills Santa strikes but the local Sheppard try to stop him. Santa seeing this adjust and throws his highly accurate Ninja stars made of coal and cuts down the Shepard.


Mary shrikes and fears for baby Jesus' life. "Don't you harm him!""Shut up woman!" As Santa shoves her aside. But what Santa did not know was that Baby Jesus was trained by Chuck Norris! Baby Jesus jumps up and scissor kicks Santa in the face!


"Take that fat man." Baby Jesus declares!


"I see you have learned from Chuck Norris, I alone can not take you, but what about my reindeer of death! On Danser, On Dancer, On Prancer, On Vixen, On Comet, On Cupid, On Donner, Oh Blitzen, On Laser, On Taser."


The Reindeer burst in and take action. Danser lands a vicious round house kick, and Baby Jesus staggers. Looks at the blood trickling down from the corner of his cheek, whips it off and exclaims. "Is that all you got."


Baby Jesus unleashes a series of blinding fast moves and starts taking out the reindeer. Comet gets a knee to the groin, Vixen takes a head butt. Laser charges in with a series of moves and Baby Jesus stops him with a single punch and then rips into his chest and pulls out his heart. Taser sees this and wants to avenge his brother death, but Baby Jesus hits him with a Fatality Move from Mortal Kombat.


The other reindeer sees the carnage and Donner yells "FORM Rudolph GO REINDEER FORCE!"


The other reindeer join together to create the greatest reindeer of them all Rudolph the Death Nosed Reindeer. Baby Jesus backs up and Rudolph starts ripping laser beams all around him. A few hit baby Jesus and he is stunned and looks like he might be finished.


"Ha Ha Ha your golden diaper is mine!" Santa evil laughs as baby Jesus hits the floor.


But then came the three wise men, Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer and Charles Bronson. The three wise men go into action, Chuck Norris round house kicks Rudolph, while Charles Bronson shots him with his .45 and Jack Bauer yells at Rudolph "DO AS I SAY!" And stabs Rudolph in the leg with his PDA of death.


Baby Jesus stands up and charges Santa and punches him in the face!


"You win baby Jesus you win! I will do what ever you say."


"Fine, you no longer will do evil and you shall live in the North Pole and once a year bring toys to good little boys and girls so that they will know of your shame. Also your reindeer may never take the form of Rudolph again."


"But what if it is foggy and I can not see my way to deliver the toys?" Wonders Santa.


"Fine if it is foggy then you can use the power of Rudolph." states baby Jesus.


"Yes master I will never forget this night and thank you for sparing my life."


There you have it the true meaning of Christmas.

1 comment:

Shawn, Melissa, Nathan and Titus said...

Someone has been hitting the Egg-Nogg was too much.....put down the glass.