Vesuvius Times Entry

*WARNING*

This post is mostly for my friends "down home." We like to make fake newspaper stories about each other. If you EVER see the title Vesuvius Times Entry... RUN!

Man things Orlando Bloom wants to be him.

COLUMBUS, OH

In an article in the Columbus Dispatch it was quoted in the life section that if Orlando Bloom was not an actor he would be a wartime photojournalist. Jeremy Baker a 30 year old photojournalist for "The Network" believed that Orlando Bloom wanted to be him. "You see I am a photojournalist right? So we are in a time of war correct? So that makes me a wartime photojournalist and YOU KNOW IT!" Friends are not shocked that Baker would jump to that conclusion. "You see he's always try to make his job bigger than it is." Claims Gypsy moth catcher Adam Wilson (1,001 years old). "You take the word of Wilson?" Yells Baker. "He runs around a field with a giant net, a tutu and wings catching gypsy moths!." Even though Wilson does appear to be look silly in leggings and a tutu others claim Baker is just a little misguided. "After he won that award for a story he did we had to call him award winning photojournalist for a month! Can you believe that a month, now that whole Orlando Bloom this is making work hell." States fellow photojournalist Micah Riffle.

Jeremy Baker has been seen around the state wearing sunglasses and trying to hid from "fans" and "popuratzzi." He signs autographs to people who wonder why he is in their neighborhood shooting a story. "It was the oddest thing, I just wanted to know what all the hubbub was and that guy over there hands me a photographer with his signature on it... Just wired."

Even his wife thinks its a little much. "I really like Orlando Bloom and Jeremy is no Orlando. Oh yeah he keeps making me call him the pirate of my Caribbean, I have no idea what that means."

We tried to get a comment from recluse Joe Bowman but all we heard was "Damn videographer!"

Next Time Brokeback Wilson, Gypsy Moth love not allowed under Ohio Law or Man doesn't Leave trailer for 7 months